The text of this blog is a manuscript I wrote between 2004 and 2006 about my experience with depression, and what I learned from it. I claim no psychiatric or medical expertise; I only wrote what I felt. My standpoint is that of an LDS wife and mother who has experienced depression. I know that countless others have this trial as well, and have included some thoughts, feelings, and stories from several others who were good enough to share their experiences with me (names have been changed). I feel that if there is even the slightest chance that someone may gain any measure of peace or comfort from my thoughts--even if it is derived simply from knowing that you are not alone--then this is well worth my time. If you don't agree with what I say here, that's fine with me. I never mean to oversimplify or trivialize the experience of depression, and I don't claim that anything I say will cure anyone. If you or anyone you know has depression, I hope that what I say might help. (I'll warn you right now though, if you're currently depressed, you'll probably be inclined to tell yourself that this stuff doesn't apply to you.)
Since writing this, I've experienced depression a couple of times, in the form of postpartum depression that I didn't even recognize for what it was for quite awhile, since it manifested itself more in anger than in sadness. I've also had some experience with anxiety, which adds a whole new and awful dimension to the whole thing. But for any of these circumstances, I think that the more we can talk about all of it, the more power we reclaim.

-Jana

(Chapter 6) Our Relationship with our Father

“O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever.”
-2 Nephi 4:34
During times of darkness and confusion, it can be so easy to get frustrated with the Lord, to question Him. But if we can truly come to see Him as our Father—and not only our Father, but our wise, loving, perfect Father—perhaps we will gain a better understanding of what He does for us and why. Our earthly parent-child relationships are a blessing the Lord has given us to teach us how He feels about us. I feel that in the short time that I have been a mother, my comprehension of the love of Deity has grown more than I can fathom. Though I know that in this life I will never truly understand the kind of love He has for us, I also know that my role as a mother will take me closer to that understanding than any other position in this world.

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