The text of this blog is a manuscript I wrote between 2004 and 2006 about my experience with depression, and what I learned from it. I claim no psychiatric or medical expertise; I only wrote what I felt. My standpoint is that of an LDS wife and mother who has experienced depression. I know that countless others have this trial as well, and have included some thoughts, feelings, and stories from several others who were good enough to share their experiences with me (names have been changed). I feel that if there is even the slightest chance that someone may gain any measure of peace or comfort from my thoughts--even if it is derived simply from knowing that you are not alone--then this is well worth my time. If you don't agree with what I say here, that's fine with me. I never mean to oversimplify or trivialize the experience of depression, and I don't claim that anything I say will cure anyone. If you or anyone you know has depression, I hope that what I say might help. (I'll warn you right now though, if you're currently depressed, you'll probably be inclined to tell yourself that this stuff doesn't apply to you.)
Since writing this, I've experienced depression a couple of times, in the form of postpartum depression that I didn't even recognize for what it was for quite awhile, since it manifested itself more in anger than in sadness. I've also had some experience with anxiety, which adds a whole new and awful dimension to the whole thing. But for any of these circumstances, I think that the more we can talk about all of it, the more power we reclaim.

-Jana

Peace, Be Still

Christ has the power to “carry us beyond this vale of sorrow, into a far better land of promise” (Alma 37:45). While this scripture can be fulfilled in this life with the understanding we can have beyond the everyday feelings of mortality, it also refers to the far better land we will inherit after this life, after the judgment, when we are given the blessings of immortality and exaltation. “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away” (Revelation 20:4). This is a promise to which we can look through the tears and sorrows of this life. Though we are suffering now, and may continue to suffer, there will come a day when it will all end. While we wait for that time, though, we can still allow Christ to comfort us.
As the apostles did in another instance upon the sea, we often call out in our sorrow, “Master, carest thou not that we perish?” (Mark 4:38). He can immediately calm the storms within us, “Peace, be still” (v. 39). With that calming, he teaches us that “the waves and winds still know / His voice that ruled them while he dwelt below.”[1] As surely as he can calm the storms and the sea, he can say to us, “Peace be unto thy soul” (D&C 121:7). We must never doubt His ability to do this, and we can always take comfort and somehow find joy, even at the lowest moments of our lives, in these eternal promises. For surely the master of the universe, of the earth and sea and skies, can, at the darkest times of our lives, speak peace unto our souls.
[1] “Be Still My Soul,” Hymns, 124

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