The text of this blog is a manuscript I wrote between 2004 and 2006 about my experience with depression, and what I learned from it. I claim no psychiatric or medical expertise; I only wrote what I felt. My standpoint is that of an LDS wife and mother who has experienced depression. I know that countless others have this trial as well, and have included some thoughts, feelings, and stories from several others who were good enough to share their experiences with me (names have been changed). I feel that if there is even the slightest chance that someone may gain any measure of peace or comfort from my thoughts--even if it is derived simply from knowing that you are not alone--then this is well worth my time. If you don't agree with what I say here, that's fine with me. I never mean to oversimplify or trivialize the experience of depression, and I don't claim that anything I say will cure anyone. If you or anyone you know has depression, I hope that what I say might help. (I'll warn you right now though, if you're currently depressed, you'll probably be inclined to tell yourself that this stuff doesn't apply to you.)
Since writing this, I've experienced depression a couple of times, in the form of postpartum depression that I didn't even recognize for what it was for quite awhile, since it manifested itself more in anger than in sadness. I've also had some experience with anxiety, which adds a whole new and awful dimension to the whole thing. But for any of these circumstances, I think that the more we can talk about all of it, the more power we reclaim.

-Jana

References

*Quotes in the text attributed only to a first name are insights given me personally by people I know. Names have been changed.

American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Stastical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision. Washington: American Psychiatric Association, 2000.
Ashton, Marvin J. “On Being Worthy.” Ensign, May 1989: 20.
Benson, Ezra Taft. “Beware of Pride.” Ensign, May 1989: 6.
Benson, Ezra Taft. “Do Not Despair.” Ensign, November 1974: 65.
Gilman, Charlotte Perkins. “The Yellow Wall-paper.” The Norton Anthology of American Literature Volume C. Sixth edition. Nina Baym, Ed. New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 2003: 832-845.
Herbert, George. “The Pulley.” Exploring Poetry, Ed. M.L. Rosenthal, New York: The Macmillan Company, 1955: 545.
Holland, Jeffrey R. “An High Priest of Good Things To Come.” Ensign, November 1999: 36.
Holland, Jeffrey R. “Broken Things to Mend,” Ensign, May 2006, 69
Hymns. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, United States, 1985: 240.
Maxwell, Neal A. “Endure It Well.” Ensign, May 1990: 33.
Mclean, Michael. “Hold on, the Light Will Come.” The Collection (Album). Michael Mclean, 1983-1994.
Packer, Boyd K. “Self Reliance.” Ensign, August 1975: 88.
Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Heber J. Grant. Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesust Christ of Latter-Day Saints, 2002, 38-39.
Von Schlegel, Katharina, trans. Jane Borthwick. “Be Still, My Soul.” Hymns. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, United States, 1985: 124.

For Further Reading
Ghaznavi, Shanna. “Rising Above the Blues.” New Era, April 2002: 20.
Gilliland, Steve. “’Awake My Soul!’: Dealing Firmly With Depression.” Ensign, August 1978: 16.
“Light In Darkness.” Ensign, June 1998: 16.
Sorenson, Mollie H. “My Battle with Depression.” Ensign, February 1984: 12.
Vandagriff, G. G. “Escaping My Valley of Sorrow.” Ensign, March 2000: 65.
Weight, David G. “Why Is My Wife (or Husband) Depressed?” Ensign, March 1990: 27.

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